cinaed

we didn't even kiss until issue 26 (187703 words) by Cinaed
Chapters: 48/48
Fandom: Red vs. Blue
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Relationships: Dexter Grif/Dick Simmons, Dexter Grif & Kaikaina Grif | Sister, Michael J. Caboose/Leonard L. Church, Kaikaina Grif | Sister/Huggins, Lavernius Tucker/Crunchbite, Agent Texas | Allison/Sarge, Chrovos/Donut's Moms, Franklin Delano Donut/Agent Washington
Characters: Dexter Grif, Kaikaina Grif | Sister, Dick Simmons, Franklin Delano Donut, Sarge (Red vs. Blue), AI Program Epsilon | Leonard Church, Lavernius Tucker, Michael J. Caboose, Dylan Andrews, Frank "Doc" DuFresne, Agent Washington (Red vs. Blue), Agent Carolina (Red vs. Blue), Vanessa Kimball
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Secret Identity, Friends to Lovers, Temporary Character Death, Implied/Referenced Torture, Heroes & Heroines, Villains, Slow Burn, Canonical Character Death
Summary:

Dick Simmons has a multi-step plan. Move to Blood Gulch, become a superhero, assume a civilian identity, and save the day with the other heroes of the city. He didn't count on his fellow superheroes being so weird, the villains even weirder, and getting stuck with the most annoying coworker in the universe at his civilian job. But there are secrets and danger in the city, tensions boiling under the surface, and Simmons may be in over his head.



Well, I started this fic in a very different world and as a very different person-- April 2019 and past me was in a toxic workplace, living with roommates she wasn't fond of, and also thought she was cis-- and now it's complete!

It's been a long, weird road, involving a lot of real life shenanigans, but I'm so happy with the final result and so happy to finish this long WIP. And so happy to be in a much better place in my personal life as well! I'm a homeowner, I work at a branch with decent coworkers and out as nonbinary to pretty much everyone except my family, and I have my wonderful girls, Hilda and Zelda, who bring me joy every day.
 

Going to be posting my thoughts on the newest season of RvB! For some reason the cut tag isn't working for me, so I'm just going to post the first episode reaction here right now. Red vs Blue: Zero Ep 1: Viper

 Well I’d meant to do my season two rewatch Saturday but was sick most of the weekend. But now I’m feeling well enough to watch and enjoy! 

• Aw, I forgot that the first scene of the season is Doc’s introduction. 
• Church being so done with Caboose and Tucker, and the combination of O'Malley and Caboose means that his threats involve giving Church a birthday present (sure it’s Tucker’s head, but you know). 
• Just imagining Doc’s expression as the Blues explain that Church is a ghost and now a ghost in a robot makes me laugh. Also another thing is that the Blues apparently have a Spanish-English dictionary, which somehow the Reds never bothered to get for years. Sorry, Lopez! 
• I love that Church actually knows military lingo and it’s Tucker and Caboose who are like “???” whenever he tries to be smart in earlier seasons. Also Tucker just being like “Nope, I like my blood on the inside.”
• God, I forgot that Church went “I can’t pronounce Frank, we’re calling you Doc.” Like..Frank? At least protesting over DuFresne makes a little more sense! Church really does love to mess with people. Also Doc’s speech about the differences between being a medic and a doctor remains iconic. “Well, a doctor cures people. A medic just makes them more comfortable.. while they die.”
• I also forgot that Church just straight shoots Caboose (and actually hit him!) so Doc will go over and help him. Stone cold. “I can’t believe he shot me!” “Oh, don’t even START Caboose!”
• Also love that the Reds have staff meetings, which Grif presumably sleeps through. Though why they all even trusted Grif to carry ammo around, I just don’t know. 
• And the beginning of the iconic surrender exchanges. Cake, flags (wait no flags), Lopez. Doc turning into a fake hostage. “You don’t get anything except humiliation and ridicule!” “We’ve already got that! What else do you have?”
• I forgot that Doc immediately assesses the Red Team, realizes Grif is the least popular of the group, and immediately starts insulting him to curry favor. Speaking of stone cold, like dang, Doc. 
• Another iconic scene is Church ragging on Tucker as he wiggles his switch. :D And of course Sarge’s amazing code is “drive.” He’s definitely that guy whose password is Password1235. 
• Fun parallels with Donut’s “I’m so freaking lost” and Doc’s “Help, this Jeep is kidnapping me!" 
• Lopez is like a son to Sarge! Sarge loves him so much that he forgives him for turning against him and murdering him. Also Sarge thinking he can fight a machine gun. 
• Tucker: "You hardly ever used your legs before anyway. I’ve never heard of a grown man asking for so many piggy-back rides.” Church: “Hey, I already told you: that was for science.” And thus canonical piggyback rides were established. 
• Bold of Simmons to call someone else Poindexter. 
• Everyone thinking Church is shy because he can’t turn around. 
• Grif using Doc’s words against him, and thus a low-key dislike of each other was born. 
• Poor Doc. Stuck wandering the wilderness aka the 60 feet or however much space there is between the bases. 
• Simmons and Grif squabbling like an old married couple trying to tell the story about the Blues and Doc.
• I am usually against love triangles, but the Lopez/Sheila and Sheila/Caboose is so good. 
• Caboose having a good idea, except they didn’t consider that Lopez would immediately escape.
• Ah, the old days when Lopez actually believed in the Red Team. Also will always love “Primary objectives: 1. Fix everything. 2. Hate the orange one. 3. Call mom more often.” Lopez calling Sarge father! And then his brutal disillusionment as the Reds almost kill him. 
• Simmons loves that machine gun. 
• Lopez/Sheila is such a good ship. Love their meet-cute. Of course then Tex steals his body. Also Sheila being into Lopez AND Tex. I’d forgotten about that. 
• “Tucker, there’s a very fine line between not listening and not caring. I like to think that I walk that line every day of my life." 
• Love Tex just rolling with "Sure, I’m a ghost.” And now we’re finally into the O'Malley plot which is so much fun. 
• Sarge’s been wanting to get a cyborg on his team for this whole dang war. He’s so happy when Simmons becomes a cyborg. Meanwhile Grif and Simmons are united in hating the idea. 
• Tex telling embarrassing stories about Leonard’s high school years. :D And the beginning of this very weird plan to rescue Caboose from O'Malley. And seeing the inside of people’s heads. Or at least Caboose’s head, which means a stupid Tucker and a Church who is even more foul-mouthed than Church himself plus he’s Caboose’s very best friend. Sarge the southern pirate. Donut the girl. Grif’s yellow armor. 
• Grif sounds almost impressed when he does the 1-2-3 count that he pulled on Simmons and realizes that Donut beat him at his own game. Unfortunately then he promptly gets run over by Sheila.
• “Suck it, Blue!" 
• I honestly love Lopez’s love song to Sheila. He’s such a romantic. 
• Church is such a nerd. His insults are so bad. 
• And the beginning of Doc and O'Malley’s saga begins. Their juxtaposition is amazing. 
• And the beginning of cyborg Simmons! I still love that even if Simmons instantly insults Grif, the fact remains that he went through surgery to save Grif’s life. And he sounds genuinely worried when Grif starts coughing, right up until the point he figures out Grif is using his brand new replacement lungs to smoke. And Simmons trying to get Grif to eat healthy and stop smoking. Good luck with that, Simmons…
• Simmons apparently likes to dance, if his fury over the assumed cancelled holiday party is any indication. That’s a prompt for someone! 
• Donut and Tucker are both the romantics of their team because Tucker thinks Sheila/Lopez is sweet, he just doesn’t want to deal with love triangle bullshit.
• Meanwhile Lopez and Sheila go on strike for machine rights and I for one support them wholeheartedly. 
• Double O Donut! I love Donut and Grif’s misadventures together. 
• Tucker: "Sheila and Lopez are now considering leaving to form their own robot army. They said no one would dare oppose them.” Church: “What?! Did you try to talk them out of it?” Tucker: “No way, I wouldn’t dare oppose them!”
• Poor Donut. He has no sense of direction. And poor Doc, stuck with O'Malley for company. 
• Sarge talking about the entertainment value of being tortured. Sarge…what…. I’m not gonna kinkshame, but I’m definitely gonna think about kinkshaming Sarge. 
• Donut and Caboose’s truth or dare scene is so cute. They’re such a fun dynamic. And I really wonder what Donut was gonna say about the Red Team plans until Church possesses him. And Church is immediately super chill in Donut’s head, and wants to just relax and do some arts and crafts. And Donut considers Caboose his friend! And Caboose really likes Private Biscuit.
• Church trying to bargain for two robots so he can have Tex back is sweet right in the middle of a ridiculous scene. And Donut being so excited for a sleepover with the Blues. 
• I’m just saying, Sarge would make an excellent car salesman the way he’s messing with the Blues over these robots. And Donut must be rubbing off on him, heh, because “I’ve been told my lube jobs are fantastic!” is definitely a Donut line.
• Church using military lingo in one episode and then a handful later not understanding military time is such a Church thing.
• Finally to the iconic Tucker line of Grif and Simmons. “It’s just the same two guys bickering like an old married couple. I’ve only been listening for like five minutes and I can already tell they’re really in love. Why can’t they see it?” And Church doesn’t even bother to argue.
• Tucker discovering Red vs Blue is a lie is still amazing. As in the ironic discussion, which I will always love. 
• Donut’s sarcasm when he realizes they’re leaving him and Sheila behind to guard each base. Man versus tank. Should go well for him.
• And set up for season three, which has some of my favorite team ups– Sarge and Caboose, Grif and Church. That’ll also be a fun rewatch. 

Time for the bonus features aka Outtakes, PSAs, and deleted scenes!

Honestly most of the PSAs this season weren’t great, but the Fourth of July fireworks safety one did make me laugh. And it does have Donut with his Kiss the Cook apron!

Outtakes were okay, with the running theme of Burnie trying to explain adlibbing to everyone else, haha. Also “Great Caesar’s Dressing!” is as catchy as “Great Caesar’s Ghost!” And the outtake of Sarge being Hamlet. And Tarzan. And the Grif and Simmons audition tape was fun. 

Deleted scenes! Doc and Vic having some weird chemistry. Calling Doc hot and saying he missed him. And Doc complaining that no one likes him and that someone stole his wallet. Of course then Vic immediately gets mean. The others include Sarge and Grif prepping Simmons for cyborg surgery before Grif gets hurt and they actually go through with it, which mostly includes getting Simmons super drunk.  Sounds about right for Blood Gulch!

we didn't even kiss until issue 26 (36131 words) by Cinaed
Chapters: 9/?
Fandom: Red vs. Blue
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Relationships: Dexter Grif/Dick Simmons, Dexter Grif & Kaikaina Grif | Sister, Michael J. Caboose/Leonard L. Church, Kaikaina Grif | Sister/Huggins, Lavernius Tucker/Crunchbite, Agent Texas | Allison/Sarge, Chrovos/Donut's Moms, Franklin Delano Donut/Agent Washington
Characters: Dexter Grif, Kaikaina Grif | Sister, Dick Simmons, Franklin Delano Donut, Sarge (Red vs. Blue), AI Program Epsilon | Leonard Church, Lavernius Tucker, Michael J. Caboose, Dylan Andrews, Frank "Doc" DuFresne, Agent Washington (Red vs. Blue), Agent Carolina (Red vs. Blue), Vanessa Kimball
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Secret Identity, Friends to Lovers, Temporary Character Death, Implied/Referenced Torture, Heroes & Heroines, Villains, Slow Burn
Summary:

Dick Simmons has a multi-step plan. Move to Blood Gulch, become a superhero, assume a civilian identity, and save the day with the other heroes of the city. He didn't count on his fellow superheroes being so weird, the villains even weirder, and getting stuck with the most annoying coworker in the universe at his civilian job. But there are secrets and danger in the city, tensions boiling under the surface, and Simmons may be in over his head.

Chapter Eight: A Scolding and A Surprise

Detective McAllister is unimpressed by the heroes' progress. Simmons gets a surprise party.

Chapter Nine: In the Hot Seat

Team composition is very important, and any disruption in the balance has long term consequences.

we didn't even kiss until issue 26 (27525 words) by Cinaed
Chapters: 7/?
Fandom: Red vs. Blue
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Relationships: Dexter Grif/Dick Simmons, Dexter Grif & Kaikaina Grif | Sister, Michael J. Caboose/Leonard L. Church, Kaikaina Grif | Sister/Huggins, Lavernius Tucker/Crunchbite, Agent Texas | Allison/Sarge, Chrovos/Donut's Moms, Franklin Delano Donut/Agent Washington
Characters: Dexter Grif, Kaikaina Grif | Sister, Dick Simmons, Franklin Delano Donut, Sarge (Red vs. Blue), AI Program Epsilon | Leonard Church, Lavernius Tucker, Michael J. Caboose, Dylan Andrews, Frank "Doc" DuFresne, Agent Washington (Red vs. Blue), Agent Carolina (Red vs. Blue), Vanessa Kimball
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Secret Identity, Friends to Lovers, Temporary Character Death, Implied/Referenced Torture, Heroes & Heroines, Villains, Slow Burn
Summary:

Dick Simmons has a multi-step plan. Move to Blood Gulch, become a superhero, assume a civilian identity, and save the day with the other heroes of the city. He didn't count on his fellow superheroes being so weird, the villains even weirder, and getting stuck with the most annoying coworker in the universe at his civilian job. But there are secrets and danger in the city, tensions boiling under the surface, and Simmons may be in over his head.

Chapter Three: The Strangest Foes of All Time... The Trio

Simmons gets a first look at the city's menace, the Trio, who seem less menacing than advertised.

My final entry in my little Days of Donut part of RvB Rare Pair Week.


a real life happily ever after (4469 words) by Cinaed
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Red vs. Blue
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Franklin Delano Donut/Agent Washington, Dexter Grif/Dick Simmons
Characters: Franklin Delano Donut, Agent Washington (Red vs. Blue), Dexter Grif, Dick Simmons, Agent Carolina (Red vs. Blue), Sarge (Red vs. Blue), Lopez (Red vs. Blue), Sheila (Red vs. Blue)
Additional Tags: Post-Canon, Post-Season/Series 17, Established Relationship, Cats, Fluff and Humor, Happy Ending, Background Relationships, Past Relationship(s)
Series: Part 5 of Days of Donut
Summary:

Donut is drinking a pre-lunch wine cooler when the doorbell rings. Donut glances at the clock. His eyebrows rise. “They’re early. I guess Grif drove.” He leans over and presses a kiss to Wash’s cheek. “Bring out the cheese spread while I let them in?”

--

Post-war, post-Chrovos, everyone settles into life on Chorus.

My third entry for my Days of Donut for RvB Rare Pair Week!

kisses sweeter than wine (3950 words) by Cinaed
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Red vs. Blue
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Franklin Delano Donut/Agent Washington
Characters: Franklin Delano Donut, Agent Washington (Red vs. Blue), Agent Carolina (Red vs. Blue), Sarge (Red vs. Blue), Michael J. Caboose, Lavernius Tucker
Additional Tags: Post-Season/Series 17, First Time, Awkward Flirting, Developing Relationship, Innuendo, Hand Jobs
Series: Part 3 of Days of Donut
Summary:

“I think I’d miss it if you stopped using innuendos completely,” Wash says.

It’s a joke, Donut knows, though Wash sounds sincere rather than his usual deadpan. It still makes his stupid heart flutter, thinking that Wash might like even his most annoying trait. He ignores the feeling with the ease of practice. It isn’t Wash’s fault that Donut gets a crush on any guy who’s a little nice to him.

--

Wash and Donut have an enlightening conversation.