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cinaedSo I recommended a few weeks ago The Dead Witness: A Connoisseur's Collection of Victorian Detective Stories, edited by Michael Sims. While unfortunately his collection The Penguin Book of Victorian Women in Crime seems to be missing from my library system, one of the branches DID have Dracula's Guest: A Connoisseur's Collection of Victorian Vampire Stories.
Dracula's Guest is divided into three parts: Part I: The Roots, which are pre-Victorian era accounts of "actual" vampires and the undead, mostly situated in Hungary and further into that area of Europe; Part II: The Tree, which are Victorian stories of vampires; and Part III: The Fruit, which are the immediate descendants of the Victorian era, writing their own vampire stories up through World War I.
I didn't enjoy this one quite as much as the detective stories collection, but I suspect that's mostly because I love detective stories much more than vampire ones. Still, there were several I thoroughly enjoyed, and reading the supposedly biographical accounts of encountering vampires was fascinating. The stories I enjoyed are also on the internet, so I thought I'd do brief reviews of my favorite stories with a link to the story.
The Vampyre by John Polidori
Iconic in that he contributed this story in the now-famous contest between him, Lord Byron (who wrote the unfinished but fairly interesting "The End of My Journey"), and Mary Shelley who wrote what would become the iconic and influential Frankenstein. Polidori's Lord Ruthven influenced many vampire characters further down the line. I enjoyed this, in that I shook my head a lot because the premise goes like this:
LORD RUTHVEN: *is dark and mysterious*
AUBREY: *is a young orphan whose only living relative is his sister*
AUBREY: Boy, Lord Ruthven is so DARK AND MYSTERIOUS! ....I want to be besties. Please be besties with me, Lord Ruthven.
RUTHVEN: ...sure, we can do a continental tour. Come on then.
RUTHVEN: *turns out to be a vampire, kills the girlfriend Aubrey gets on tour, and then 'dies'* You must promise never to tell anyone what a monster I was! Promise me!
AUBREY: Oh, Ruthven, you are so dark and tormented, and even though you killed my girlfriend, I will totally promise to never reveal you're being a vampire to ANYONE. And I will totally properly bury you!
RUTHVEN: *dies and his body must have mysteriously vanished*
AUBREY: Well, that's strange. I guess these stupid peasants must've robbed his body for his nice clothes!
AUBREY: *mucks about Europe for a bit longer, then returns home*
AUBREY'S SISTER: Aubrey, I've missed you so much! And guess who's been back for a few weeks? Your friend Lord Ruthven!
AUBREY: ....shit.
RUTHVEN: Remember your oath! You can't tell anyone!
AUBREY: Oh no, I did promise! Oh no, I can't tell anyone how you eat people. :(
RUTHVEN: ...that actually worked? I mean, right, you must keep your vow!
AUBREY: *gets sick out of despair*
AUBREY'S SISTER: Hey, Lord Ruthven's proposed to me, isn't that great?
AUBREY: ..............................but my oath.
AUBREY'S SISTER: *dies*
CORONER: I charge that this woman died of 'death by dumbass.' *stares at Aubrey*
The Deathly Lover by Théophile Gautier
ROMUALDO: *is a priest* Dude. Dude. Let me tell you. Vampires might be scary, but WOMEN. Women are even scarier! And FEMALE VAMPIRES? So terrifying. Let me tell you how women are TERRIBLE.
READERS: ....wtf, dude, calm yourself down.
ROMUALDO: Women. The WORST. *starts the story*
ROMUALDO: I am so happy to be taking my vows and getting my own parish! *begins to take his vows*
HOT MYSTERIOUS WOMAN: *appears and looks at him*
ROMUALDO: Oh no, she's hot. :( And I just took my vows.
MYSTERIOUS WOMAN: My name is Clarimonda, and while you being a priest is a downer, we can totally work around it! Come and hang out with me at my awesome chateau!
ROMAULDO: I can't, I'm a priest.
CLARIMONDA: *dies*
FATHER SERAPION: *is another priest* Man, I sure am glad Clarimonda is dead! Did you know she was courtesan and that there were rumors about her being a female vampire, but I personally think she was Beelzebub in person.
ROMAULDO: That's....interesting.
CLARIMONDA: *shows up* So now that I've died and been resurrected, we can be together forever!
ROMAULDO: ....Yes, please.
FATHER SERAPION: ....what did I just say. WHAT DID I JUST-- oh for goodness sake. *saves Romauldo's life and then saunters off, presumably to save other people from their own stupidity*
A True Story of a Vampire by Count Eric Stenbock
CARMELA: So I am an old lady and this is a story about a dickhead vampire who killed my brother and father.
COUNT VARDALEK: *is a vampire*
GABRIEL: *is Carmela's half-wild, beautiful brother who hates strangers and always stays outdoors and barely interacts with anyone but his family and their housekeeper*
GABRIEL: ....who is THAT. *stares at Vardalek*
CARMELA: Gabriel, come on. He's not even GOOD-LOOKING. ...okay, he's not THAT good looking anyway. (Actual line: "Vampires are generally described as dark, sinister-looking, and singularly handsome. Our Vampire was, on the contrary, rather fair, and certainly not at first sight sinister-looking, and though decidedly attractive in appearance, not what one would call singularly handsome.")
GABRIEL: *follows Vardalek around* Vardalek, play music for me. Vardalek, come see all my wild animal friends. Vardalek, you are so great!
VARDALEK: *sighs* You are so beautiful and have the soul of music and you are perfect. I am so sorry I'm going to kill you.
CARMELA: ....what.
CARMELA: And then Gabriel died, and then my father died, and Vardalek ran off to eat more people I guess because in conclusion VAMPIRES ARE ASSHOLES.
Good Lady Ducayne by Mary Elizabeth Braddon
BELLA: *is a sweet, cheerful eighteen-year-old who decides to become a lady's companion to support her elderly mother* Hello, Lady Ducayne! I am so glad to meet you!
LADY DUCAYNE: *is old and evil-looking* I hope you won't die like the last two girls.
BELLA: ....they both died? How strange! Well, I'm as healthy as an ox!
BELLA: *several months in her trip to the continent* Wow, I feel so weak and sick, how weird. And I keep having these terrible dreams. And these mosquito bites are AWFUL.
LOTTA, BELLA'S NEW FRIEND: ...Bella, um. Those don't look like mosquito bites.
HERBERT, LOTTA'S BROTHER AND A DOCTOR: ....Bella, those are cuts from a scalpel. W-why would you think these huge cuts came from a mosquito?
BELLA: Well, the continent is very different from England! And Lady Ducayne's doctor told me they were mosquito bites and I can't imagine he would lie to me for any nefarious reasons at all!
LOTTA AND HERBERT: *facepalm*
Luella Miller by Mary E. Wilkins Freeman
LUELLA: *marries husband*
LUELLA'S HUSBAND: *dies*
TOWNSPEOPLE: Oh, poor Luella!
LUELLA'S BEST FRIEND, LOTTIE: *dies*
TOWNSPEOPLE: Poor Luella, she has the worst luck.
LUELLA'S HUSBAND'S SISTER: *moves into Luella's house to take care of her and almost immediately died*
TOWNSPEOPLE: ....uh, is anyone else sensing a pattern here?
LUELLA'S AUNT: *comes to live with Luella and dies*
MISS ANDERSON, LUELLA'S NEIGHBOR: ....yeah, something weird is going on.
DOCTOR: *falls in love with Luella*
MARIA, NEIGHBORHOOD WOMAN: *begins working for Luella, starts getting sick*
MISS ANDERSON: Well, they're doomed. *marches over* Luella, I don't know what you're doing, but quit it!
LUELLA: ...I have no idea what you mean. *assumes injured air*
MARIA: *dies*
DOCTOR: *dies*
TOWNSPEOPLE AND MISS ANDERSON: ....yeah, no one is going near Luella any more. We may be a bit slow, but we're not STUPID.
Other ones I enjoyed:
Aylmer Vance and the Vampire by Alice and Claude Askew -- which is pretty much a "what if Sherlock Holmes handled supernatural cases like the case of a man who comes to him and John Watson because his wife is convinced she's a vampire" story.
The Mysterious Stranger by Anonymous -- which is about an awesome strong-willed woman named Franziska, her long-suffering cousin, her long-suffering beau, her long-suffering cousin's boyfriend who has like a metal arm and is pretty amazing, and a vampire who wants to devour her.
Dracula's Guest is divided into three parts: Part I: The Roots, which are pre-Victorian era accounts of "actual" vampires and the undead, mostly situated in Hungary and further into that area of Europe; Part II: The Tree, which are Victorian stories of vampires; and Part III: The Fruit, which are the immediate descendants of the Victorian era, writing their own vampire stories up through World War I.
I didn't enjoy this one quite as much as the detective stories collection, but I suspect that's mostly because I love detective stories much more than vampire ones. Still, there were several I thoroughly enjoyed, and reading the supposedly biographical accounts of encountering vampires was fascinating. The stories I enjoyed are also on the internet, so I thought I'd do brief reviews of my favorite stories with a link to the story.
The Vampyre by John Polidori
Iconic in that he contributed this story in the now-famous contest between him, Lord Byron (who wrote the unfinished but fairly interesting "The End of My Journey"), and Mary Shelley who wrote what would become the iconic and influential Frankenstein. Polidori's Lord Ruthven influenced many vampire characters further down the line. I enjoyed this, in that I shook my head a lot because the premise goes like this:
LORD RUTHVEN: *is dark and mysterious*
AUBREY: *is a young orphan whose only living relative is his sister*
AUBREY: Boy, Lord Ruthven is so DARK AND MYSTERIOUS! ....I want to be besties. Please be besties with me, Lord Ruthven.
RUTHVEN: ...sure, we can do a continental tour. Come on then.
RUTHVEN: *turns out to be a vampire, kills the girlfriend Aubrey gets on tour, and then 'dies'* You must promise never to tell anyone what a monster I was! Promise me!
AUBREY: Oh, Ruthven, you are so dark and tormented, and even though you killed my girlfriend, I will totally promise to never reveal you're being a vampire to ANYONE. And I will totally properly bury you!
RUTHVEN: *dies and his body must have mysteriously vanished*
AUBREY: Well, that's strange. I guess these stupid peasants must've robbed his body for his nice clothes!
AUBREY: *mucks about Europe for a bit longer, then returns home*
AUBREY'S SISTER: Aubrey, I've missed you so much! And guess who's been back for a few weeks? Your friend Lord Ruthven!
AUBREY: ....shit.
RUTHVEN: Remember your oath! You can't tell anyone!
AUBREY: Oh no, I did promise! Oh no, I can't tell anyone how you eat people. :(
RUTHVEN: .
AUBREY: *gets sick out of despair*
AUBREY'S SISTER: Hey, Lord Ruthven's proposed to me, isn't that great?
AUBREY: ..............................
AUBREY'S SISTER: *dies*
CORONER: I charge that this woman died of 'death by dumbass.' *stares at Aubrey*
The Deathly Lover by Théophile Gautier
ROMUALDO: *is a priest* Dude. Dude. Let me tell you. Vampires might be scary, but WOMEN. Women are even scarier! And FEMALE VAMPIRES? So terrifying. Let me tell you how women are TERRIBLE.
READERS: ....wtf, dude, calm yourself down.
ROMUALDO: Women. The WORST. *starts the story*
ROMUALDO: I am so happy to be taking my vows and getting my own parish! *begins to take his vows*
HOT MYSTERIOUS WOMAN: *appears and looks at him*
ROMUALDO: Oh no, she's hot. :( And I just took my vows.
MYSTERIOUS WOMAN: My name is Clarimonda, and while you being a priest is a downer, we can totally work around it! Come and hang out with me at my awesome chateau!
ROMAULDO: I can't, I'm a priest.
CLARIMONDA: *dies*
FATHER SERAPION: *is another priest* Man, I sure am glad Clarimonda is dead! Did you know she was courtesan and that there were rumors about her being a female vampire, but I personally think she was Beelzebub in person.
ROMAULDO: That's....interesting.
CLARIMONDA: *shows up* So now that I've died and been resurrected, we can be together forever!
ROMAULDO: ....Yes, please.
FATHER SERAPION: ....what did I just say. WHAT DID I JUST-- oh for goodness sake. *saves Romauldo's life and then saunters off, presumably to save other people from their own stupidity*
A True Story of a Vampire by Count Eric Stenbock
CARMELA: So I am an old lady and this is a story about a dickhead vampire who killed my brother and father.
COUNT VARDALEK: *is a vampire*
GABRIEL: *is Carmela's half-wild, beautiful brother who hates strangers and always stays outdoors and barely interacts with anyone but his family and their housekeeper*
GABRIEL: ....who is THAT. *stares at Vardalek*
CARMELA: Gabriel, come on. He's not even GOOD-LOOKING. ...okay, he's not THAT good looking anyway. (Actual line: "Vampires are generally described as dark, sinister-looking, and singularly handsome. Our Vampire was, on the contrary, rather fair, and certainly not at first sight sinister-looking, and though decidedly attractive in appearance, not what one would call singularly handsome.")
GABRIEL: *follows Vardalek around* Vardalek, play music for me. Vardalek, come see all my wild animal friends. Vardalek, you are so great!
VARDALEK: *sighs* You are so beautiful and have the soul of music and you are perfect. I am so sorry I'm going to kill you.
CARMELA: ....what.
CARMELA: And then Gabriel died, and then my father died, and Vardalek ran off to eat more people I guess because in conclusion VAMPIRES ARE ASSHOLES.
Good Lady Ducayne by Mary Elizabeth Braddon
BELLA: *is a sweet, cheerful eighteen-year-old who decides to become a lady's companion to support her elderly mother* Hello, Lady Ducayne! I am so glad to meet you!
LADY DUCAYNE: *is old and evil-looking* I hope you won't die like the last two girls.
BELLA: ....they both died? How strange! Well, I'm as healthy as an ox!
BELLA: *several months in her trip to the continent* Wow, I feel so weak and sick, how weird. And I keep having these terrible dreams. And these mosquito bites are AWFUL.
LOTTA, BELLA'S NEW FRIEND: ...Bella, um. Those don't look like mosquito bites.
HERBERT, LOTTA'S BROTHER AND A DOCTOR: ....Bella, those are cuts from a scalpel. W-why would you think these huge cuts came from a mosquito?
BELLA: Well, the continent is very different from England! And Lady Ducayne's doctor told me they were mosquito bites and I can't imagine he would lie to me for any nefarious reasons at all!
LOTTA AND HERBERT: *facepalm*
Luella Miller by Mary E. Wilkins Freeman
LUELLA: *marries husband*
LUELLA'S HUSBAND: *dies*
TOWNSPEOPLE: Oh, poor Luella!
LUELLA'S BEST FRIEND, LOTTIE: *dies*
TOWNSPEOPLE: Poor Luella, she has the worst luck.
LUELLA'S HUSBAND'S SISTER: *moves into Luella's house to take care of her and almost immediately died*
TOWNSPEOPLE: ....uh, is anyone else sensing a pattern here?
LUELLA'S AUNT: *comes to live with Luella and dies*
MISS ANDERSON, LUELLA'S NEIGHBOR: ....yeah, something weird is going on.
DOCTOR: *falls in love with Luella*
MARIA, NEIGHBORHOOD WOMAN: *begins working for Luella, starts getting sick*
MISS ANDERSON: Well, they're doomed. *marches over* Luella, I don't know what you're doing, but quit it!
LUELLA: ...I have no idea what you mean. *assumes injured air*
MARIA: *dies*
DOCTOR: *dies*
TOWNSPEOPLE AND MISS ANDERSON: ....yeah, no one is going near Luella any more. We may be a bit slow, but we're not STUPID.
Other ones I enjoyed:
Aylmer Vance and the Vampire by Alice and Claude Askew -- which is pretty much a "what if Sherlock Holmes handled supernatural cases like the case of a man who comes to him and John Watson because his wife is convinced she's a vampire" story.
The Mysterious Stranger by Anonymous -- which is about an awesome strong-willed woman named Franziska, her long-suffering cousin, her long-suffering beau, her long-suffering cousin's boyfriend who has like a metal arm and is pretty amazing, and a vampire who wants to devour her.
